Manifesting the Life I Want
My journey of overcoming depression and finding my purpose
As I sit here trying to find something to write about, the only thing that keeps popping up in my mind is how grateful I feel in this moment.
I'm grateful for the people who've entered my path, who've shown me insight on their lives and success stories, I'm grateful to have finally realized after so many years of failure and doubt that I am aware of what it is I'm meant to achieve and who I'm meant to become. I am also grateful for finding the courage to open up spiritually again after a period of neglect, and even more so finding a career style I can commit to that I'm not only excited about but as a way for me to incorporate my spiritual side as well!
I'm grateful for the life I'm given to have overcome a very dark point in my life only just under a year ago. And most of all, I'm grateful for having love in my life and someone who is just as spontaneous as I am, where we can plan things like leaving everything behind for the potential of living in a Van for a year while we travel Canada.
But it wasn't always like this
For 26 years I felt as though I've been living a life full of doubt, negativity and confusion. I never committed to anything because of those fears. I grew up in a household that was far from perfect. The support around me was minimal and only surfaced based, and my mind was always a complete fog. I had religion, I had dreams, but I also had fear.
All my life I called myself a "realist", living under the motto "Hope for the best, but expect the worst".
For 26 years I told myself this!! I was taught that the universe deals everyone a card and that's the card we are stuck with. It's what you do with that card that matters.
In elementary school I would get mediocre grades because I thought "too out of the box". I think very complex and tend to take the alternative route to solving a situation. I was also very introverted and shy. Having went to four different elementary schools by grade 3, I made absolutely no friends.
In high school my grades still sub-par. The bully I managed to attract before high school never grew tired of taunting me up until the year we graduated.
And because of my lack of self-confidence, I failed to commit to anything. I applied to many colleges and universities. Being turned down by my "first choice" and never completing anything afterwards lead to me feeling even worse about myself.
I met my boyfriend in college. He had just moved to Canada from Europe and we moved in together within two months of dating. He would tell me stories of his travels and his time in the military. He would ponder on what it was like to be financially free with no obligations and how he wanted to someday be a doctor.
The seven years we've been together, we've hit nothing but road blocks. Very rarely were we both able to work at the same time. Always one person depending on the other. We often found ourselves worrying about either not being able to pay rent or our bills, or paying off debt. At some point he moved away for work, and then I did the same. For seven years we struggled. For seven years I felt the guilt of being the reason WHY he never achieved his goals of becoming a doctor. I was the reason he no longer has that life of freedom. For seven years I felt as though my "bad luck" was destroying his life.
I started to think of myself as a burden
For years I took on the role of being the carrier of all things negative. I never once considered that maybe he was in complete control of his own life. I never considered that maybe his purpose in life was NOT what he had anticipated and that his journey is just beginning too! I never allowed myself to believe that I was a positive impact in his life, or mine for that matter.
I was allowing those negative thoughts to take complete control of my life, I allowed the negativity to reach externally into my space, into our space. I spiraled into a level of deep depression, convinced that the universe just hated me. Beating myself up trying to find the source of my bad luck.
But what I failed to realize was, not only was I being effected, but the one person I loved the most who was filled with light and positivity 6 years ago, is also being effected.
If you allow negativity to take over your mind and your space, you will ultimately destroy any connection with the people around you.
So I had to make a decision. Was I going to keep allowing the darkness to consume me until there was absolutely no way out? Because I was so close already.
Or was I going to finally find the healing I DESERVED and become the true light I was MEANT TO BE.
It's hard work, but it's so worth it!
My depression was actually a saving grace in a way.
(I know that sounds oddly strange considering I just went on a tangent about how awful it was!) But without hitting that low point in my life, I don't think I would have opened up to my spiritual path. I'm not talking religion, I'm talking higher vibration, higher self!
We all go through tough moments in life in order to awaken us, in order to direct us on the path we were meant to take.
When I began learning more and more about connecting with my higher self and cleansing my energy, something inside of me clicked. I no longer fear the unknown, I embrace it! Yea I get stressed once in a while but we are human and we are allowed to feel those emotions, just as long as we don't allow them to take over our subconscious.
I no longer live by "hope for the best, expect the worst". I changed my motto to
"everything in life happens for a reason".
I am more content in myself and my mind than I've ever been! I'm not saying everything is absolutely perfect now. It's always going to be a work in progress. But as long as you dedicate your life to pushing forward no matter what, you will become the person you desire to be!
So what am I grateful for?
As I said, during this recovery process, I came across some people who have opened my eyes to a beautiful new world! A way that I could do everything I love all at once!
Work from home, travel and do whatever it is I want to do. All while including my spiritual practice in my profession and best of all, HELPING others overcome their own fears and accomplish whatever it is they desire most!
I am also completely grateful for having someone as amazing as my boyfriend work through the worst points in my life alongside me and finally find something that makes us both so excited and inspired!
My point to this (very long) story is to NEVER give up on yourself!
Even the darkest moments in life are temporary, and it's ultimately up to you to change your course. Never settle for anything less than what you want most, and in order to attract positive results, you must put out positive energy!
I hope my story inspires some of you to take action in your own life!
If you want that life changing switch but have absolutely no idea where to start, than subscribe to my newsletter for some amazing upcoming opportunities that you won't want to miss! (Make sure to follow my instagram too!)
Want to talk one on one? Send me an email at email@example.com to find out more!
With love and abundance, I wish you the very best.
Until next time
My name is Tay, I am a Blogger and Mindset Success Coach. I believe in manifesting dreams into reality in order to achieve the life you deserve, while helping others find the light in their life.
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